“When do I know I am ready to jump back into dating?”
Relationships are confusing. Especially trying to figure out if you’re ready for a new one after your ex. Is there truly a way to know if you are ready to put yourself back out there? I’m not too sure. But what I can give you are some signs that you’re on the right track.
The majority of us have been engulfed by social media. I know I personally cannot escape it. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I decide to try and sleep, my phone is in my hand (almost) at all times. I can’t lie… I love social media. I love to be in the know and to keep up with others, but it causes me to CONSTANTLY compare myself to others. This can be even worse when we begin to compare our “singleness” to others flourishing relationships.
Am I the only one who see’s a “It’s national couples’ day. Post your other half” story post almost every day? Before, single people only had three days to avoid media at all costs: Valentines Day, National gf day, and National bf day. Now, everyone loves to make an excuse to post their boo. I’m guilty of this as well, but I can agree it is sickening. Single me spent many nights defining my worth to my social media status.
Intention is everything.
When you’re wondering if you’re ready to begin dating again, ask yourself WHY? Am I doing this to make someone jealous? Am I trying to keep up with the trends? Is it just because all my friends are in relationships and they’re making me want to die with how cute they are? (I’ve been there). Something I used to find myself doing is feeling as though I want someone because there was an event coming up. A college date night, a wedding, a vacation who’s pictures would look better with a tall, dark, & handsome at my hip? Its easy to romanticize relationships when you’re viewing everyone’s highlight reels. I’m here to tell you that ONE, relationships are so much more than a highlight reel, and TWO, if your thoughts sound anything like these, you are not ready to date. You are ready if you feel like you are genuinely ready to make connections, meet new people, and go for the ride. Dating is a process. It’s trial and error, meeting dozens of people, and facing rejection. It’s being patient and putting in the work. I’m making it sound exhausting; but its magical and freeing if you’re ready. Ask yourself.
What’s your ex up to?
Girl. Don’t answer that. If you’re still caught up, stalking your ex on social media, you are absolutely not ready. Now I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to acknowledge you have a past. They were obviously a very important person to you at one time or another. But texting, searching their accounts, or stalking their location, are huge no’s when it comes to being ready for something new. Do yourself the favor and hit that block button.
Suitcase or purse?
Everyone has baggage. How heavy is yours? In order to be ready for a new relationship, you MUST PUT IN THE WORK. Going through a breakup(s) has been some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. Am I on the dramatic side of things? Maybe. But every breakup I’ve ever gone through has stripped me down and forced me to build myself back up. Getting into a new relationship before you fully process your last one is a recipe for disaster. Sit with yourself, acknowledge what happened, and treat yourself to everything you deserve. A relationship can wait, your mental sanity cannot.
Side note, in order to fully process a breakup, you must also take responsibility for the role you played in the relationship as well. As much as we want to believe it, we aren’t perfect either. Where can you improve? Where can you pull back? Love is a lesson, but only if you listen. Self awareness is so important.
He’s a 10 but…
You are ready to date when you’ve set standards. Your heart is precious. It’s not for everyone. You are ready when you’ve fully recognized that you don’t need anyone, and any person that comes into your life will do nothing but enhance it. We seem to fall in love with potential too quickly, and find ourselves compensating for a man that won’t be worth it in the end. Settling is an easy way to describe a very prolonged heartbreak. The right person will check all your boxes and then some.
What kind of person are you looking for? Journal about it. Jot it down. You need to know what you’re looking for before you begin the search. We are not settling in 2024, ladies. Green flags only. It’s not worth our peace.
Additional comments: With this comes the ability to set boundaries. Dating can be scary nowadays. If you are not ready for uncomfortable conversations, you’re not ready.
This year we are putting ourselves first. If a partner comes into our life and makes us better, great. If this year is a year for you, that’s great too. Social media tells us that its shameful to be single. Don’t listen. Being single is a blessing. Cherish the time you have with yourself, and use it wisely. The boyfriend air will mess you up before you know it.
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